Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
