you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
