We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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