i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my being single is dangerous.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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