Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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