She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
