she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
