If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
