Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
