hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
