I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So. Much. Porn.
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