Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
