Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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