Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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