I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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