apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
