i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
