Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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