Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
