Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
