I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
