Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
