Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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