Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
