if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
