I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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