I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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