please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
