end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
