In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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