who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
