Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
please don't ironically join a cult
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