This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm really busy with my period
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