All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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