If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
