I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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