I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
