So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
