this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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