Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
