Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
