I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
