But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ketchup is God's man juice
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
