I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
