I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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