I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just found a bag of teeth...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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