I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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