i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
