you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
