Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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