Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we should paint friendship bongs
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