You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
