ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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