I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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