you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
