There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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