um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
