Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
