Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
